Homeland

When you look at me
Stop pitying me
Because you hear the one word
My homeland
My nationality
And suddenly
I am nothing?

Because if you knew, what I’d been through
You would want me to set an example for you.

You would see strength in me.
You would put your faith in me.
You would have never doubted me.
You would have listened to me.

Instead of ignoring me
Imploring me, to tell you of the sad little life I’ve had.
My life is hard, but Allah has blessed me, and it isn’t that bad.

My stature is short but my ambition is not
You have no idea of my battle, the people I’ve fought
To get to this place
To stand before you
To be up here on this stage spitting my rhymes for you

If I could go one introduction
Without the mentioning of the destruction
Within my country
People assuming my loving father regularly punched me
That there could ever be exceptions.
That maybe some people have some skewed misconceptions.

Of the oppression I face
No I am not speaking of an imaginary place
But you don’t even take the time to ask me
You don’t even try to understand
Because for me my country is the Promise Land

And I have faith in my fellow countrymen
That this is a land of potential
And destroying these stereotypes is essential

Afghanistan
Afghanistan
I wish you could see my homeland
Through my eyes
The beauty that raised me
The struggle that made me
Afghanistan
I praise thee.

My Depression

I didn’t understand
I didn’t understand until I happened to me
The darkness I had watched torment my mother
It finally got to me
Consuming all the light and hope I held within me

It crippled
It hurt
It heavily weighed
I felt like I had no control
The darkness devoured my days

I could not rest or relax
Or rally after its paralyzing attacks.

I tried
I analyzed
But I could not comprehend
Why the good wasn’t good enough anymore
Why I couldn’t find the joy I had held just days before.

This depression.
This trivial thing
Destroyed and consumed my being
My world was washed with this dark feeling
But this, this was not an unfamiliar scene

My mirror was nothing more than a picture
One of my childhood.
One of resentful memories

Mommy why cant you play with me
Mommy why aren’t you happy
Mommy what is wrong with me that you cant even smile at me
Mommy why is this happening
MOMMY PLEASE JUST LOOK AT ME

Mommy it found me.

Mommy, I’m so sorry.
I’m sorry that I resented your battle and blamed you instead of supporting your fight

Because Mommy, Blessed am I that you made it through every night.
And you woke up every morning
And you loved me everyday

Because Mommy I understand.
I understand because the darkest it found me too.
But the darkness will not consumed me
Because it did not consume you.

Because I have proof
And my proof is you
You are all I need.
Because Mommy, You inspire me.

It Can Never Be About Me

Once you’ve been where I’ve been and you’ve seen what I’ve seen…

 then you too would understand that when I pray it can never be about me.

I’ve lived in lands were universal human rights isn’t worth the fight…

it’s a battle that’s been lost too many times.

It’s a dream that isn’t even close in sight

I’ve seen boys die with no other sign then a fever

or a little girl lose an arm because they couldn’t properly treat her.

I’ve seen strength that we can only dream of.

I’ve seen despair and desperation from wickedness and

 lack of brotherly love.

I’ve seen hope and faith that puts my strongest day to shame.

People who pray everyday for a better next

instead of complaining, pinpointing someone to blame.

I’ve expressed tears, laughs, smiles, pain, and silence.

My mind is in a constant race,

my heart in a constant ache as faces flash;

stories of these peoples past are now my constant memories.

They will forever be stamped inside of me.

I have feelings of frustration, constantly thinking

‘How’d I get so lucky?’ ‘How did I get so blessed?’

When I witness these societies living in constant molest.

While I am showered with opportunities, I was born in the West.

So when I say my prayers each night I keep these feelings in mind.

I hold each story I hear inside. And when I send them up?

I send them with sincerity,

trusting that it reaches our Lord in full clarity,

hoping my voice is one of familiarity. 

Because when you’ve been where I’ve been and you’ve seen what I’ve seen…

then you too would understand that when I pray it can never be about me.

Wanting

I want people to die without killing
for us to start practicing compassion and healing
to realize that the enemy isn't always the villain
that we could end this if someone stopped to listen

I want differences without divides
for our minorities to not feel deprived
to acknowledge our differences and express them with pride
trusting that equality was to be felt worldwide

I want hallelujahs without amens
for us to have things to constantly praise w/o saying the end
to have faith in others and unreluctantly depend
to have a joy we constantly share with our fellow women & men.

I want? I want what i dont have.

Love Me

if you love me, then love me
if you can't, then don't
but don't say you will, if you know you won't

Stop confusing me.
Making it feel like you're using me.
Being there for me only when I'm with you
but i add some miles and it's like i was never with you.

if you love me, then love me
if you can't, then don't
but don't say you will, if you know you won't.

I'm sorry I'm not what you or your parents dreamed
but my color has nothing to do with me.
or how perfect we can be.
because if your hand fits in mine then it fits.
it goes together perfectly.

In Return

Am I being crazy? Selfish? Absurd?
To think when I needed you, you'd be there in return?
I did what I did because I thought that's what it meant to be a friend
But when it comes down to it you're too self-centered to even comprehend
Doing the same for me.
Going the extra mile
I can find more maturity in a an infant or a child.
I'm feeling anger. Upset. Even resentful.
That I thought for a second our friendship would be remotely eventful.

I Won't Wait

Because I wont wait around for you to come around
we have airplanes and tickets now
I'll go crazy if I keep waiting on you
So i'm leaving the madness you put me thru

And I'll think of you every night
But during the day I'll be living my life
Adventures and living stories
So when you think of me you wont think boring.

Because I wont wait around for you to come around
we have airplanes and tickets now
I love you. But I'm tired of waiting
So for right now I'm gone. No more complaining.

But my heart still jumps when I remember you
The laughs and the cries you helped me through.
you're the love of my life
I guess the timing just isn't right

But I wont wait around for you to come around
we have airplanes and tickets now
I'm hoping that the distance will make me stronger
I'll keep distracted til I can't take it any longer

I'll keep running until the day you ask for me to stay
I'm waiting for the day you ask for me to stay

I hate her

I keep making mistakes.

I can do nothing right.

I’ll lose everyone I love

Because when it is comes down to it I’m alone at night.

I sleep and sleep because I know that’s where I’m safe.

In the morning it won’t matter what I said or did.

That’s where I’m okay. I’m safe amid my sheets.

I just have to sleep.

I keep digging and digging my hole and the walls are now too steep.

I can’t climb out.

I’m surrounding myself with all my insecurities. My doubts.

Please tell me this isn’t me.

That this is a phase I’ll get over it.

Prove it to me. Let me see.

This cannot be me.

It can’t.

I hate this girl.

She’s selfish.

She’s impassionate.

She’s unkind.

Who is she?

Tell me she is not me.